Jokes - Page 9 - Penny Stocks: The Penny Stock Blog and Talk Forum with hot penny stock picks when you buy penny stocks.

keithsan · 10-02-2007, 09:40 PM

teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students.

"Human beings are the only animals that stutter", she says.

A little girl raises her hand.
"I had a kitty-cat who stuttered", she said.

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident and why she thought the cat stuttered.

"Well", she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the
rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we
knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!

"That must have been scary", said the teacher.

"It sure was", said the little girl. "My kitty raised his back,
went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'...and before he could say "****", the rottweiler ate him!"

keithsan · 11-05-2007, 07:46 AM

A man and a woman who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly.... him in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold.

"I have a better idea," she replied." Just for tonight, let's just pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea! " he exclaimed.

"Good, " she replied... "Get your own f*cking blanket."

After a stunned moment of silence, he farted.

Caroline · 11-14-2007, 08:46 PM

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:

Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take
care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be
President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to
a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics
tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas
station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don ' t have
to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux
rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you ' re talking to
them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood
all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your
own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of
thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still
be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are
more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You
are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face
stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to
shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one color for all
seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can
'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice
concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier!!

keithsan · 11-20-2007, 09:30 PM

ok caroline,

what seems to be the issue.

mattstabler · 11-27-2007, 05:15 PM

Question: Why do blondes like tilt steering?
Answer: More headroom

Caroline · 03-11-2009, 04:32 PM

OMG, THIS IS HYSTERICAL. I'M STILL CRYING.

If this don't make your day, then you need help!!!!

Car Accident in Texas ...Priceless!

This will make you laugh!
Turn up your sound and click on the website below.This accident happened in the Dallas-Ft.Worth area. It is a phone call from a man who witnesses a car accident involving four elderly women. It was so popular when CHUM/FM played it on the air, that they had to put it on their website. The guy's laugh is contagious!
Just close your eyes and picture what he sees and describes.

http://www.chumfm.com/MorningShow/Fu...p?ArticleID=72

keithsan · 04-16-2009, 04:05 PM

THIS WAS VOTED THE BEST SHORT JOKE OF 2008

For his birthday, little Joseph asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it." The next day the father saw little Joseph heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?" Little Joseph told him; "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage and no bike!

himashechamiya · 12-09-2009, 10:37 PM

President Bush was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the discussion on the word "tragedy". So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a "tragedy".

One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy."

"No," said Bush, "that would be an accident."

A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explained the president. "That's what we would call a great loss."

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Bush searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally at the back of the room a small boy (Lil' Johnny) raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said: "If Air Force One carrying you and Mrs. Bush was struck by a "friendly fire" missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."
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mark1234 · 04-18-2010, 05:12 PM

cool jokes..

just joined the forum..seems pretty cool..

10-02-2007, 09:40 PM	#81
keithsan Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Scituate, MA Posts: 5,747 Rep Power: 131	teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human beings are the only animals that stutter", she says. A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered", she said. The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident and why she thought the cat stuttered. "Well", she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard! "That must have been scary", said the teacher. "It sure was", said the little girl. "My kitty raised his back, went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'...and before he could say "", the rottweiler ate him!" __________________ Lets make some BANK!!!

11-05-2007, 07:46 AM	#82
keithsan Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Scituate, MA Posts: 5,747 Rep Power: 131	A man and a woman who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly.... him in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold. "I have a better idea," she replied." Just for tonight, let's just pretend that we're married." "Wow! That's a great idea! " he exclaimed. "Good, " she replied... "Get your own f*cking blanket." After a stunned moment of silence, he farted. __________________ Lets make some BANK!!!

11-14-2007, 08:46 PM	#83
Caroline King of Stocks Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 807 Rep Power: 33	God I miss you guys WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED: Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don ' t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you ' re talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier!! __________________ "If you can see the obstacles,then you have taken your eyes off of the goal"

11-20-2007, 09:30 PM	#84
keithsan Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Scituate, MA Posts: 5,747 Rep Power: 131	WE MISS YOU 2! ok caroline, what seems to be the issue. __________________ Lets make some BANK!!!

11-27-2007, 05:15 PM	#85
mattstabler Newbie Trader Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Mobile, Alabama Posts: 16 Rep Power: 11	Blondes Question: Why do blondes like tilt steering? Answer: More headroom

03-11-2009, 04:32 PM	#86
Caroline King of Stocks Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 807 Rep Power: 33	Toooooooooo funny OMG, THIS IS HYSTERICAL. I'M STILL CRYING. If this don't make your day, then you need help!!!! Car Accident in Texas ...Priceless! This will make you laugh! Turn up your sound and click on the website below.This accident happened in the Dallas-Ft.Worth area. It is a phone call from a man who witnesses a car accident involving four elderly women. It was so popular when CHUM/FM played it on the air, that they had to put it on their website. The guy's laugh is contagious! Just close your eyes and picture what he sees and describes. http://www.chumfm.com/MorningShow/Fu...p?ArticleID=72 __________________ "If you can see the obstacles,then you have taken your eyes off of the goal"

04-16-2009, 04:05 PM	#87
keithsan Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Scituate, MA Posts: 5,747 Rep Power: 131	THIS WAS VOTED THE BEST SHORT JOKE OF 2008 For his birthday, little Joseph asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it." The next day the father saw little Joseph heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?" Little Joseph told him; "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage and no bike! __________________ Lets make some BANK!!!

12-09-2009, 10:37 PM	#88
himashechamiya Newbie Trader Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 1 Rep Power: 3	President Bush was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the discussion on the word "tragedy". So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a "tragedy". One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy." "No," said Bush, "that would be an accident." A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy." "I'm afraid not," explained the president. "That's what we would call a great loss." The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Bush searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?" Finally at the back of the room a small boy (Lil' Johnny) raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said: "If Air Force One carrying you and Mrs. Bush was struck by a "friendly fire" missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy." -------------------------------------------------------------------------- \|vicodin\|lexapro\|buy propecia\|

04-18-2010, 05:12 PM	#89
mark1234 Newbie Trader Join Date: Apr 2010 Posts: 3 Rep Power: 2	this is cool.. cool jokes.. just joined the forum..seems pretty cool..

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